The Curious Case of a Snooping Mother
Dating a Payne girl was not a venture for the faint of heart. It took guts and considerable courage to ask us out. The beginning of the dates didn’t always start as badly as my last post, nor did the endings, but there were enough red letter ones to merit attention. There were plenty of rules to abide by, curfews to be kept, and judgment days to face in our dating years, but in these two instances the tables were turned.
Upon returning from a date, our feet had better hit the ground before the boy’s car came to a complete stop. If we weren’t out of the car instantly, one of our parents would turn the porch light on and off, indicating it was time to bring the evening to a close. There would be no parking and talking or any hanky-panky going on in our driveway!
The driveway came up the corner of the house, only a few feet away from the back door. The back door was the kitchen door. Directly next to the kitchen was a bathroom. Looking from the outside, you had the back door and then the window to the bathroom directly to the left of that. The window was covered with Venetian blinds.
Donna was madly in love with Bob. She was about nineteen or twenty years old; a mature young woman. Bob was handsome, could sing; a real catch. Mother was keeping close tabs on this relationship, because this hunky young man could possibly be her future son-in-law.
I recall many times when Mother and Donna would go into the bedroom and close the door, so Donna could tell her all the latest regarding her blooming relationship with Bob.
It was Sunday evening. Bob brought Donna home after church. The lovebirds had made their way out of the car and were standing outside the back door. Bob planted a kiss on Donna’s puckered lips. All of a sudden they heard the sound of clanking of blinds against the window pane. Startled, they looked over at the window, only to view Mother in her bathrobe staring back at them in astonishment. She had attempted to be discreet in her detective work, but when she parted the blinds to peek through, they fell, leaving her exposed, standing the bathtub, staring at Donna and Bob. Mother was so embarrassed, but not nearly so much as she would be a few weeks later.
The scenario was similar, except that Donna and Bob had come inside and were sitting on the couch in the living room talking. Outside the living room door was a small hallway. Mother and Daddy’s bedroom was on the left. To the right was the bathroom, and beside that, a door to the staircase that led to the basement. There was a small apartment downstairs.
Mother had managed to tip-toe across the hall to the staircase, and was making her way downstairs to go to the bathroom, as she didn’t want them to hear her in the upstairs bathroom. She crept down each step, gingerly placing each foot so as not to make them creak. She reached the landing. AHHHHHHHHHHHh. She was home free…she thought.
The downstairs apartment hadn’t seen much use since Curtis and Judy had moved out. The floor in the small bathroom had water damage. Mother was a little bit overweight. Just as she set foot into the bathroom, the floor gave way and down she went. The thunderous thud echoed through the ceiling to the living room above. In an instant she was surrounded by Daddy, Bob, and Donna. They pulled her up out of the hole she had created for herself, nightgown and all.
Bob didn’t come around much after that. I suppose you could say that love had been blinded by a fall!
From this experience I learned:
1. Mother really kept an eye on her children.
2. Do all of your kissing before you got back home.
3. Forewarn any boyfriends about the potential embarrassments of dating a Payne girl.